Book of Doom:
Batman #676

I have mixed feelings about this issue. I read it twice. The first time I read it, I thought it was awful. The second time I read it, I still thought it was awful, but I tried to think about why I thought it was awful, and in doing so, I found myself faulting the book for things that, on paper, I think I should like.

I think I should like that Morrison has been building up a big story over a long period of time. I think I should like that he’s introducing new villains rather than relying on the long-established and potentially tired ones. When he does use an established villain, he uses the Joker, and it seems to be set up in a way that suggests a big battle is coming up so we have that sense of building anticipation.

But none of it worked on me. Rather than unfolding organically, this story seems forced. Morrison’s run on Batman so far has at times been fun (I enjoyed the “League of Heroes” storyline, where Batman and friends were trapped in the mansion) but it’s also been awful (I have disliked far more of these issues than I’ve liked). Rather than having a story unfold out of Batman’s life, his distribution of the early pieces of the story feel abruptly jarred into place. Instead of watching something develop, the readers just have to suffer through crap knowing that the writer is up to something.

I groaned when I saw the spread of villains. I don’t know if any of these people are established, but they are new to me, and I don’t know if you could come up with a more predictable band of Grant Morrison villains if you tried. Oooh, a killer mime. A luchador in a suit! Too cute by half.

And when we get the actual Batman and Robin, it’s worse than reading Frank Miller’s take because at least he is operating in an alternate world. Morrison just does whatever he wants, even though he’s working with the official versions. The Batmobile has a CD changer? Stupid. Robin is throwing a temper tantrum because Bruce has a son? Awful. There seemed to be a deliberate attempt to depict Tim Drake as having grown up a bit, but that went completely out the window when he was sulking about Damien.

That Joker scene at the end seemed to ooze pride in how it clearly didn’t make sense. But it wasn’t intriguing. It was stupid. The Joker doesn’t look cool wearing a dress. And when did his face become all scarred? Did that happen in Salvation Run? Or is Salvation Run just not acknowledged by Grant Morrison? It’s all so dumb. It’s not rewarding to read. These questions the book raises aren’t intriguing, they’re annoying.

Oh and the art is terrible. It’s stiff and amateurish. If you’re going to kill Batman, at least give the job to someone decent.

I really hope this storyline isn’t as important as they’re making it out to be, because I really don’t want to read it. Let’s see if Fin Fang Doom liked it any more than I did.

Fin Fang Doom:

So that’s why I don’t like Grant Morrison.

Batman #676, part one of Batman R.I.P., was just bad. If there was any redeeming quality between those covers, I couldn’t find it. Let’s just go through this in order, all right?

Page 6: I am so sick of random people in Gotham City referencing the fact that villains used to have their goons wear uniforms that fit a certain theme. That joke is funny maybe once, and it’s been made. Pointing out the absurdity of the history of Batman isn’t something you should do on a regular basis when you’re trying to tell a serious Batman story.

Page 9: Batman has a CD changer in the Batmobile? Couldn’t afford an iPod, Bruce? Also, when did Batman die? Maybe Grant Morrison should have mentioned that for those of us that haven’t been following his run.

Page 13: Bruce Wayne has a girlfriend that knows he’s Batman? WTF is he thinking? This is so obviously going to bite him in the ass. Maybe this is just supposed to be evidence that Batman is a little messed up in the head post-temporary-death, but this is frakking Batman. He’s never going to get that messed up.

Page 14: “…and he’s talking about some massive, paranoid web of interconnected events…Alfred? Are we sure Bruce’s head is okay?” Yes, Robin, because Batman’s never been right about some massive, paranoid web of interconnected events before.

Page 15: Damian is Robin’s brother? How is that even possible? So is Batman not the daddy, or is Talia not the momma? Or is Robin Talia’s son, too? If that’s the case, way to go Jack Drake. Wait a minute…Morrison doesn’t just mean that since Tim Drake is now legally Bruce Wayne’s son, he’s Damian’s brother, does he? Damn, that’s stupid.

Pages 18-22: I don’t even understand what’s going on here. Is the Joker imagining all of this? Why is he wearing that stupid sleeveless dress thing? That thing actually makes him look less scary than he does in the purple suit.

Any interest I had in following the events of Batman R.I.P. was completely erased by this issue. Detective Comics, Nightwing and Robin had better be tangentially related to this storyline at most, or I might just have to drop all the Batman family titles for the time being.