Sorry I dropped the ball last week, folks. Things have been confusing in Doominator land, between work, allergies and night classes, last Sunday ended up a catch-up day - and not, unfortunately, a Doomkopf one.

So let’s start. Remember. You give me something to sum up in a sentence, to varying degrees of success and seriousness.

This week’s questions come from the ever-hungover Doom DeLuise

1. Who is Xorn? Not Magneto, either. The actual Xorn.

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… is not happening. Sorry! No one sent me questions. Shame, shame. If you want to send some for next week, send them on to doominator_at_doomkopf_dot_com.

So instead, I just want to disagree with most people on the board and say I liked the Watchmen movie. For me, it highlighted something important: the inherent ridiculousness of wearing a costume and fighting crime. In the movie, we see how seriously they take themselves - and, as highlighted by Dr. Manhattan, how ultimately futile it is. Sure, the book did the same thing, but it took seeing it on screen to know first hand.
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Welcome one and all to this week’s edition of Stump the Doominator, brought to you this week by a nasty Yuengling hangover and a sinking feeling inside me.

Remember the fun of it all - you ask me a question, and in varying degrees of accuracy and a solid state of flipancy, I try to solve them in one sentence.

Nate Winchester of Hunting Muses asks:

Explain Zero Hour

Christ. Here goes:
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Well, it seems that despite my own superpowers, my car is not invincible, and Sunday when I should have written this, I was stuck in a snow storm in Aberdeen, MD waiting to see if I could get a serpentine belt for my car. Wouldn’t you know, you can’t find those on a Sunday night in the middle of nowhere, and in real life, I don’t have any powers to conjure those out of my ass or the ass of the patient mechanic witnessing my desperate pleas to any and all friends who live or know somebody who lives in the Baltimore metropolitan area.

So here’s your stumpening for the week. Remember the rules. You throw me a storyarch, origin or trivia item, and I have to try my best to sum it up in one sentence. It’s like a Cliff Notes of nerdery.

As is cumpolsory, seemingly, at least one member of the Legion of Doom threw a question my way. This week it was Doom Fritter. He asks:

Since you’re an X-Fan, I’m going to throw you a curve ball and ask for the summary of the first twenty-five issues of X-Men 2099.
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This feature - where I try to sum up a complicated storyline or storylife in one sentence - is still fairly new. But Stump the Doominator submissions this week were … scant. Really scant. In fact, three of these are Doom DeLuise questions. We’ll start with those:

Explain Hypertime.

Hypertime is Mark Waid being an excessively lazy turd and finding a way for DC to not have to do jack about continuity by saying that if a story is told, it happens and its canon which puts “Smallville” on the same level as “Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?” and puts the Wonder Twins as actually having been Justice League members.

What the flippity-do (no, he didn’t use that word) is Mojo, and what is he all about?

Mojo is an alien from a race of spineless, violent beings who controls his own little corner of Hell called Mojoworld that’s all about ramping up television ratings for other evil beings on this plane of existence by having people die a lot, and in order to do this he clones dudes with three fingers and makes babies out of superheroes.

Who are all the known members of the Summers family (including ones from alternate realities, like Marvel Girl 3)? (more…)

Welcome, welcome to the first installment of Stump the Doominator, where I use my vast nerdery to attempt to breakdown storylines into a single sentence. We’ve got some good ones this week, so let’s press on.

Nate Winchester, occasional commenter and operator of Hunting Muses, asked:

Has anyone asked you to sum up Final Crisis yet?

Well, Nate, to answer your question:

No.

Now you probably want a real answer:

So in order to correct the fact that there are Infinite Earths and nothing makes sense because of Darkseid, some people shoot a bullet backwards through time at Darkseid to undo what he did so instead of a bunch of Earths with lots of continuity no one understands, you have a nice way to wrap it up and say “THERE IT’S ALL SOLVED EXCEPT BATMAN IS NOW CAPTAIN CAVEMAN” without having to account for anything.

Grifter wrote in with another question:
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I’m a lax contributor here at Doomkopf, mostly because I’m terrible at actually remembering to go to the comic store, and even when I do, I either get Astonishing X-Men or a long canceled series. But after Doom DeLuise asked me to help him with his countdown, I knew my calling … to sum up storylines concisely.

So here’s my challenge to you, fair readers. I want you to send me storylines, and I will attempt to sum them up in one sentence. It may be a run on sentence. Once I get five, there will be a new post. Oh, and for bloggers out there, I’ll use it as a way to link back to your blog, so we both win. As a bonus, each time, I will attempt to answer an obscure question about the X-Men. My X-Men library goes back longer than I’ve been alive, so chances are, I can answer it.

How do you enter? Email me at doominator_at_doomkopf.com. ‘Nuff said.