Everybody seems to be freaking out a little bit over the “Disney buying Marvel” news that came out today. As you may have gathered from the title of this post, I’m not. This will probably end up affecting Marvel about as much as Warner Brothers buying DC affected that company. Which is pretty much not at all, aside from movies and TV. And I don’t really care about the drama of buying back the rights to Spider-Man and X-Men so Disney can have them all.

You know what I do care about? Comics. Specifically, the comics I bought last Wednesday. It was a pretty slow week for me. I only bought six comics, and two of those were comics I probably wouldn’t have bothered to pick up in a bigger week.

Blackest Night: Titans #1 was the first of those. While I’ve been very excited about Blackest Night so far, this Titans mini-series didn’t seem like a must-buy for me. I don’t have a warm spot in my heart for the Titans (Teen or otherwise) like some do, so I’m not that familiar with the death that’s always surrounded the team in its various forms. Besides, most of the cool dead Titans aren’t dead anymore. That leaves a Black Lantern Titans team of Hawk (make that two Hawks, I guess), Terra and Lilith? Yawn.

There was one really cool moment in this issue, though. You know how whenever a Black Lantern looks at somebody they see the person in the color of the emotional spectrum they’re currently experiencing? Well Dove showed up as white, with no indication of what emotion that represents. Which means we’re probably going to be seeing some White Lanterns popping up before all is said and done. Maybe this will tie into the other Dove (the dead one) and why he didn’t rise when called upon by the black ring. (more…)

A friend told me “Disney is buying Marvel.” I told him Monday morning is the wrong time to give me the information like that. But it’s true, folks. Disney is buying Marvel. Spider-Man can, theoretically, swing his way into Hannah Montana, and future Marvel franchises will be likely appearing on ABC and the Disney Channel.

But what can it all mean? I see this as akin to Time-Warner’s ownership of DC. With the WB / CW, they are able to bring us series such as Smallville and Birds of Prey. With a “home network,” Marvel may be able to franchise characters in ways we haven’t seen before - beyond cartoons and back into the game of the TV series, without the low budget pitfalls of the older shows - The Incredible Hulk and The Godawful Spider-Man. It’s a hope. Who knows - maybe we’ll see a live action Runaways or New Mutants on ABC to compete with Heroes.

But the real hope is that the House of Mouse keeps their fingers out of Marvel, and lets Marvel just be Marvel. No changing of Marvel business as is, or making it conform to some Disney standard. As seen with Miramax, they’re capable of respecting the wishes of directors and Weinsteins.

Anyway, here’s the news link: CLICK

Up front, I’ll admit that I’m not as much of a comic nerd as I probably seem. Considering the fact that I write for a blog about comic books, you’d think I’d know a lot about the history of all the characters, their big bad villains, etc, etc, but, yet, truth be told, I know surprisingly little about these stories I love so much.

So when I saw this week’s cover of Previews, with the spoiler of who the main villain behind “Blackest Night” is, it should come as no surprise that I had no clue who this dude is. I mean, seriously, Nekron? That’s all you’ve got, DC? I’ve been following comics fairly seriously my entire life, and I honestly don’t have the slightest idea who this nefarious fellow is.

And, really, I don’t think I’m alone on this. Jim Doom and I buy comics together every week, and he was as confused as I was about who this character is. Our local comic shop, Capes Comic Book Lounge, is run by a fella named Sean, who informed us that Nekron is apparently in charge of some afterlife realm between limbo and hell, but I wasn’t really paying attention, and I don’t care enough to try to recall his words verbatim, but, good Lord, that’s a let down.

Over the course of the past few weeks, I had convinced myself that there was going to be some huge, all-powerful entity from the Black Power Source, ala Parallax and Ion, that would take Bruce Wayne as its host and lay waste to the entire DCU. Imagine if Bruce Wayne was given the powers of the Anti-Monitor or something. That’d be flippin’ sweet.

Instead, we get Nekron. Whoever that is. He sounds like a cheap battery.

Holy hamburgers, it’s been four months since I’ve reviewed any of my blasted comics! In my defense, I spent a little time in New Yawk City, got a job, did a lot of drinking, and just recently returned from a little European Vacation (not nearly as funny as the movie, btw). Well, okay, so mostly I was just drinking.

Anyway! My sleeves are all rolled up for some reason, so I may as well put some work in and review my funny books. This week, I picked up two books by Geoff Johns, two books by Dan Abnett & Andy Lanning, and one by Grant Morrison. Let’s get right to it, shall we, sports fans?

Worst: Nova #28

This was my favorite series, oh my god, like, in the world when it first started coming out a couple years ago, but lately it’s been sucking something fierce.

To recap, Worldmind is back online (speaking like a fourteen year-old girl, mind you), the Nova Corps has been scaled down to single digits (in terms of how many members it has, not fingers or something stupid like that), and Richard Rider is once again Nova Prime. Well, that was a fun little storyarc, but only the opposite of that thing I just said.

I really hate it when a series piles on a bunch of interesting new developments only to take them all away and put us back where we were when things started. Feels like a cop-out and a rip-off.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, this series is still entertaining, to a certain extent. The writing has its moments, but for the most part, not much really happens that’s all that interesting.

And, for the love of the game, will somebody make Richie stop saying, “Blue Blazes!” every third panel? It’s maddening.

This is Way Stupider Than it Should Be: Flash Rebirth #4 (more…)

If I were to ask you what the absolute worst comic book “events” of the 1990s were, I’m guessing that the Spider-Man Clone Saga would probably end up somewhere between that Onslaught mess and Heroes Reborn.

According to Marvel, it’s the, “most controversial event of all time. . .” and later this year, it “. . .returns with a vengeance, presenting the Clone Saga as it was originally intended to be told!” At another point in their press release, you can find this quote: “The Story: You’ve been asking for it…and now it’s here: THE CLONE SAGA!!!”

Oddly out-of-place enthusiasm aside, I have a simple question. You say that people have been asking for it, so my question is simply, “Who?” That thing was a mess the first time; who the hell wants to see it come back?

In an age where every failed movie franchise or crappy 70’s TV show is getting a reboot and a multi-million dollar budget, from Starsky & Hutch to Robocop, I always hoped that comic books wouldn’t ever stoop to the same level. It’s different to have a new launch for a series, giving it a new first issue and having a different creative team attached to it, but straight-up retelling old story-arcs (that are still within continuity) seems very strange. Ten years from now, is DC going to release the REAL Final Crisis, the way it was originally meant to be told? God, let’s all hope not.

I mean, think about it. Here’s a brief synopsis of the original Clone Saga, as written by our very own Doominator a few months ago:

Peter’s creepy genetics professor made a clone of him that both thought were dead in 1974, but then they weren’t dead and instead there were more clones, enough clones that there had to be a whole fucking saga that made no sense as Spider-Cide, Kaine, Ben Reilly / Scarlet Spider, the really stupid looking one that dressed as the Jackyl and Peter had a bunch of intertwining shit because Kaine killed someone and they thought it was Peter and blah blah blah other confusion happened and it got so convolotued to the point where Peter thought he was the clone and quit being Spider-Man but it ended up he was the real Peter when Norman Osborne came back and killed Ben Reilly, who then turned to pixie dust, proving he was the clone.

What idiot sat back in his chair during a creative session and decided that it would be a good idea to revisit this mess? Seems to me like the House of Ideas is foreclosing.

So with Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer author Van Jensen being a friend and former poster of this fine blog, he asked us to pass this along. Participate!

Hyphothetical question time. What if you were a magically sentient wooden puppet? And what if whenever you told a lie, your magically sentient wooden nose would grow suddenly? And what if you suddenly were confronted by a gang of bloodsucking vampires, and you needed to snap off a shank of magically sentient wooden nose to kill the undead? Hypothetically speaking, what lie would you tell?

If you can come up with a funny, creative lie, you could win some serious swag from the upcoming Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer graphic novel. The book, created by Dustin Higgins and Van Jensen, will be released by SLG Publishing on Sept. 30. All you have to do is post your best lie at the Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer Facebook group or send one by e-mail to pinocchiovampireslayer@gmail.com. All entries must be received by Sept. 23.

The best lie, as chosen by Dustin and Van, will receive a signed copy of the book and a page of Dustin’s original artwork. Two runners up will both receive signed copies of the book.

Mark Twain may have said “A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes,” but it can also help rid the world of vampires. So get creative! Get hypothetical! Get lying!

Disclaimer: The creators of Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer are not liable if a submitted lie appears in the current or any future Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer book. Dozens of lies appear in the book, and any submitted lie matching one in the book is purely coincidental.

And if you’re curious what the hell this book is, you can check out my passive-aggressive interview with Van here.

Normally I would save The Walking Dead until the very end of my week’s stack of comics (the slot always reserved for the title I’m most looking forward to reading). But this week it was the first thing I read, because the issue itself isn’t the only bit of TWD news this week.

It looks like The Walking Dead may finally be coming to television on AMC. My first thought: Awesome! The zombie theme works so well in an episodic format that I’m amazed it took someone this long to do it. My second thought: basic cable?! Can The Walking Dead really be done justice in such a restrictive environment?

Sure, cable’s come quite pretty far in terms of pushing envelope. Nip/Tuck, Mad Men and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia aren’t exactly family friendly, but they still can’t go as far as The Sopranos, Queer as Folk or The Wire do. Gore’s never really been a spotlight of TWD, but it’s important to show that the world these characters are living in is a very dangerous place. Can AMC show someone’s jugular being ripped out by a zombie or Michonne carving through everyone with her sword? More importantly, they won’t be able to use the harsh language that is necessary in TWD. It’s Always Sunny drops the occasional S-bomb, but you just can’t get away with the word “fuck” on a channel with less than three digits. I guess you can tone down the series for cable, but then it’s not the series we all love. The Walking Dead isn’t a basic cable kind of comic.

But I’m probably getting ahead of myself here. Lots and lots of shows get development deals and then never actually make it to air. And if Robert Kirkman is involved, he’s not going to let his baby become utter crap. I guess the biggest question then becomes whether the series is an adaptation of the comic or (preferably) an entirely new storyline. Only time will tell. (more…)

I was at Burger King the other day and noticed on their G.I. Joe promotional materials that Snake Eyes has a mouth. Why on earth would you give Snake Eyes a mouth?